That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
People in love make me want to vomit
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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