Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
