i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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