is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
