So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
