Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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