I think i peed on brittanys purse
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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