think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
