Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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