How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
