I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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