YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My penis needs a shock collar
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
