Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
as a side note pls kill me
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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