On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
