If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
