And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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