3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
