im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
