I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
