Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
