ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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