Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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