I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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