God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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