I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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