That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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