You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
