who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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