She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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