guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
