Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
