There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
