At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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