but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
