i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
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