You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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