someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize