I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
