Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
