omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
