dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I touched a dick in church today
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
