bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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