im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
