so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
