Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
