YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
