He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
