my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
