I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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