how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
