I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
