Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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