cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
