in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize