dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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