mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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