your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
