I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My vagina is very pro this idea
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
