she was so not down for the gang bang
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
