I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i've created a new STD.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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