I heard we made out
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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