he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
this boner is exhausting
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
