He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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