I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
