yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
