I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize