I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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