In the future we'll all be gay
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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