I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize