its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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